Warning: this post may contain spoiler information regarding the book Dewey by Vicki Myron. This is also a posting about my old cat Pumpkin who was my best friend and the past and emotions.

I just sort of finished reading this book. I say sort of because it started to hit a memory for me and I had to quickly scan the last few chapters. The book I will say is absolutely well written and I suggest everyone should read it if they have an interest in libraries or cats or even how something as simple as a cat can bring together a community and also shows how this one cat could connect the entire planet to this one small town in Iowa.

The part of the book when Dewey really started to get sick is where I started to have major tears. I remember how my own cat, Pumpkin, starting to go down in health after he got attacked by the raccoon (no rabies!). And when he had some teeth removed they noticed he had an irregular heartbeat... what he had was advance cardiomyopathy. We kept him alive for at least 3-4 months longer. He wasn't in any pain but eventually we knew the time was coming to say good bye. His final day, he had major trouble walking and breathing. My mom and I had a good cry and then said, it's time. So I called work to let them know I wasn't going to be in until later, and then the vets who said to bring him right away. It was very sad for them as well. Pumpkin was a great cat and was very cooperative at the vets. His only problem- he didnt' like getting in the pet carrier. Towards the end when I took him to his appointments, I let him out in the car to see what the world is like in a car from my perspective and he did get my perspective when he would sit on my lap, paw at the 11:30 and 12:30 position and could see everything going forward... like he was driving. He also liked to look out of the window on the driver side. It was a big bonding time for me and him. We did this for about 2-3 visits to the vets.

When we brought him to the vet for the final time, we said our goodbyes and then Dr. DeSopa took him from the room. We just couldn't be there when he expired. My mom turned her eyes away when the vet picked Pumpkin up but I watched them leave. I can still see the last image of Pumpkin looking back at me and saying, don't worry I will be all right. We will meet again. It was that look that crushed me.

What was hard for me was that Pumpkin essentially became my best friend. I could talk to him about anything. He comforted me when I need it... when I would remember the dumbass incident (leaving his name out.) Thinking of how stupid I was to think someone would ever love me, how I knew something wasn't right but that I refused to believe myself and I always went with my instincts before this incident. I felt basically like an ugly stupid head and I felt all alone. I hit a major depression that was beyond anything I had ever experienced in my life.... and Pumpkin was there the entire time for me. Most of my friends were too busy in their lives to realize how much pain I was in. Something I remind myself at times when I get into a mood... people are busy in their lives... don't bother them too much. Most don't want to hear it because they either don't care or they have so many problems in their life that it's not right for me to talk about my stupidity.

Pumpkin listened and would provide sympathetic looks even almost to the point of looking like he was going to cry (blinking like humans do when they start to cry)...I had no friends to talk to... he gave me the biggest hugs that I so needed... he purred to help me feel better. I could lay my head on his belly and he wouldn't even freak out. He was essentially my best friend. I am very fortunately to have been owned by such as wonderful cat.

I went to work after putting Pumpkin to sleep but I was completely useless and couldn't stop crying at my desk at lunch time. I just had to go home. The next day a colleague treated me like I was being ridiculous for being so upset. Afterall, Pumpkin was only JUST a cat. I felt like I was being stupid for having so much emotion. But what she didn't realize is that I lost my best friend. But of course, humans aren't supposed to have animals especially cats as best friends. Humans have humans for best friends. I've always been different anyways.

When other people had deaths in the family... people or animals after Pumpkin was put to sleep, there was a completely different reaction by this person. It made me feel even more stupid for my reactions although I felt what I did and I just couldn't change it. I didn't care.

Pumpkin will always be my best friend. Pumpkin didn't lie to me, he didn't ignore me when I needed a friend, he didn't treat me like how I felt didn't matter, he didn't tell me how to think and feel and who to hang out with or not hang out with, and he didn't treat me like I was a bother to him. He unconditionally loved me and accepted me and it was exactly what I needed because I was so depressed and felt soooooo alone. I spent many hours laying in my bed staring at the wall or the ceiling and Pumpkin was right there in case I needed to talk or be soothed.


My Molly is a great companion too but so different. She came in and took over from Pumpkin and working on healing our grief from the loss of Pumpkin. She is a completely different cat than Pumpkin (male versus female, easy going versus stubborn....) She takes care of us like she is a Mummy cat. Like it's her job to sleep with me when I'm sick and keeping an eye on me. Or while everything was chaotic after my Aunt's car accident, I told her to take care of Mummy. She followed my mom around and tried to make her laugh or distract her from all her stresses. She made sure she slept in my mom's bed every night and even if my mom took a nap. When I got hit with the flu and the bronchitis and then the cold last week and then the affects of the flu shot, Molly slept in my bed as much as she could or at least stayed in my room to keep an eye on me in case she needed to do something. She washed my hands or feet if I had them around her. She would walk up to me and lay on my chest and purr to try to heal my lungs. She also brought me presents like a ball she carried up to my room in her mouth. This week she massaged my belly because my muscles have been tightening up again. I am fortunate to have been allowed to be owned by Molly as well. She too had a stomach problem just like Dewey although her problem could be fixed and she was like new after it but for a short time... I was afraid we'd lose her. That was Christmas Eve a few years ago.


Well reading about Dewey's final days and the days after the event, it was just more than I could take. Too many memories of my own cats and having alot of empathy for anyone who loses a beloved pet. I had to skip many pages because partly because I couldn't see the pages thru my tears and also the pain I was feeling in my heart in sympathy for Vicki and her staff and the town of Spencer and all who were touched by Dewey.

I would highly suggest this book. There are many lessons to be learned... about unconditional love, friendship, community, caring, and compassion. I think everyone is better for either having been in Dewey's life or even reading about Dewey and seeing how he brought a community together.

Thanks for endulging me for my memories of my best friend in this post. Posting this in my blog was the only way I could overcome the emotions I was feeling before they would be too far along to be able to change. The unfortunate part of this post is that I do remember that very hard painful time in my life and how those I had hoped would be there to support me, because I had been there all the time to support them, would be there. And how I let myself get so depressed before asking for "real" help. I do feel at times those same emotions and thoughts that I felt with that horrible incident in my life especially when situations and people in the present seem to trigger those memories. While I do have friends now that will be there if I need them, I still have to manage this myself. Virtual hugs really do help and I thank everyone during the past few months that have been there for me and my mom sending good wishes and virtual hugs and offering an ear if I need one. I guess Pumpkin left a good contingency for me now when life is giving me a bad set of lemons.

Ok, now it's like 3:20am and I'm actually feeling sleepy again. I let lose all those emotions and I'm drained. I think I'll sleep well now. I have been feeling very emotional lately and the full moon probably has added a further dimension to my emotional state.

Thanks to anyone who was able to make it to the end of those post. No biggie if people didn't.