Well things didn't go as well as I hoped with my aunt being able to be left alone... why...
because she lies.

She didn't eat much after we left her have her independance back even though my mom did go over to visit her and she insisted she ate and her downstairs neighbor even brought her cooked food. She also didn't take her medication as well as taking some nips to make her feel better. The combination of low weight (90lbs or less), her meds and no food or good liquids, was not a healthy combination for her. I knew what was in the house after her accident and how much. There was a lot less when I looked today.

On Sunday, I had gone over to drop off her laundry after working and she asked me to stay over night. No problem only that I had no warm clothes, hadn't eatten supper, didn't have my own meds or any pillows and had a lot of things to do because I had gone to bed at 7 the past 3 nights but no problem. It's what she needed. Well what she really needed and I knew it was to be at the hospital. Her neighbor spent all day trying to convince her to go the hospital and it took me until 10:30 or later to let me call 911. It was almost a trick that I did it. She finally went into her bed and I said can I finally call 911. She said yes but I knew damm right well that she had no idea what she agreed to. Once she made it to the hospital she realized it was the right thing to do.

But I have been so upset because I find out after I got there that she did tell them she didn't take her meds and she wasn't eatting. She didn't tell them about the nips. They said she was dehydrated. No duh. I am very disappointed with her since this is the 3rd time she has lied to me since she got home from the hospital the first time. Not counting all the lies she told at the hospital after she had the accident. And all the lies since we had to take her to the doctor on an emergency visit in July with her legs swollen.

I decided I just can't deal with her lying anymore. Lying to me is worse that killing me. For me it's the greatest sin someone could do to me. And especially from my aunt and knowing what my childhood was like and how I am still having problems due to all of that. I'm just really disappointed in her because I know she is better than this. I just keep hearing excuses. The same excuses I heard as a child from my mom. It's like reliving history but as an adult.

Originally the case worker got her into rehab which we thought was great because they would get her to eat and get her weight on and get her moving. Also address her depression issues. Maybe she would be stronger and could be on her own or they may suggest to her assisted living or independant living would be good for her.

Insurance denied coverage so she is going home instead. Due to her lies, I'm not rushing over to her at her beckon call. I will change her bed, do her laundry and run errands but I will limit social contact.

My mom also has decided that if my aunt isn't able to be independant, my aunt needs to think about her future. My mom can't run back and forth constantly because she's not well either. I will not sleep on the floor and I will not go over and sit watching her snooze on the chair because she got nervous. Noone sits with me when I have panic attacks day or night. If it's that bad, she needs to call 911.

I do feel bad about it all. I feel like I am being greedy and selfish.... funny because it was the same feeling I had when I thought that after rehab she really should consider moving into independant living or assisted living at least for a while where they can monitor her but on an independant level. I can't do this anymore. The worry about what state she will be in, the worry about will she take care of herself... the worry about more lies coming my way.

The sad thing is that does she not know that I can tell when people lie even if I don't say anything.

Does she not know that I know why she is doing what she is doing even though it's different that how I handle things-still not good but I am in therapy for my issues? Does she think I wouldn't figure it all out... that noone else would notice she is lying? Doesn't she know that I know all the secret hiding places people with drinking issues hide the alcohol? She doesn't get it that I am an adult. That I will not put up with this behavior that I had to deal with as a child because I wasn't old enough to speak up. She knew how damaging my childhood was for me even though noone would ever know it if they saw me. She had to try to put me back together when it all happened when I was a child so she knew the damage it did to me, maybe not all but some of it. Why does she want to put me thru this again? I know they say it's not you, it's them... but did she think I would stick around to watch her destroy herself after she continued to lie to me.

But my aunt is a wonderful person. I do wish her well and I hope that I am all wrong that she can be trusted and she wants to take this new lease on life to really live it fully. If I can see she is doing what she had to do, eat, take her meds, get moving and no drinks, then maybe I can trust her. I have told my mom and brother and even her neighbor that my issues with my aunt have nothing to do with them and that it is between us and we have to reconcile it. They should continue to handle things their own way with her.

I was so angry about the situation that I wanted to shun her but I decided that was anger talking and not being realistic. I will calm down in time. It doesn't help that I have the flu and have been sick since Sunday. (another reason why it wasn't a good idea for me to be laying on the floor with no warm clothes.) It's something that had been coming on for weeks. I guess because I was go go go, the flu couldn't find it's opening but the morning after I came home for the first night, I had a migrane and that was the opening. Just like a Mucinex commercial. The aches and cough started on Saturday but not bad. Sunday in work I couldn't wait to go home so I could run my errands and get home to bed (or so I thought). It was Monday when I realized that I think I have the flu. I counted the minutes until I could go home from work. I was so tired from being out late the night before and wired up until 3am and then the aches and cough and the head hurting everything I coughed.

I went to the acupunturist on Tuesday night and she did a treatment to hopefully get this out of my system much quicker. Might explain the major fever I had last night and today. This morning, everything was pretty. "Pretty colors", Pretty kitty" pretty pink.... I could hear myself saying it but couldn't stop it. This is what happens when the fever spikes. I get very happy and silly. And then I have to be directed back into bed with a nice cold drink of juice and off to sleep I go again.

I'm achy tonight with a small fever but sooo much better and tomorrow I should be able to go back into the human population. My brother is going to go with my mom to pick up my aunt since I have washed my hands of it all.... at least for now.

Please keep her in your prayers and good thoughts that she will have the inner stregnth and inspiration to get better this time.

Thanks!